Irken Catnip
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: [Violence warning!] Dib creates a miracle... with a serious side effect. [slash alert]
1. Experiments

By animeninjaNIPPON

Well, this is my first (and probably last) horror fic. It gets more intense in future chapters. As I've often come to realize, I don't own Invader Zim, and I can't make the characters 100 percent IC, as I'm not Jhonen Vasquez. I wish I was though – Jhonen is, like, the coolest name in the world… Oh, by the way, chartreuse is a type of light green.

* * *

The skool science fair was in two weeks. Dib borrowed a couple of things from his father for his science project, but he wasn't sure exactly what he was going to create. "I'll just blow their minds with some lysergic-looking liquid in a test tube," he figured, pouring random chemicals into a beaker.

An hour later, he took a break to watch "Mysterious Mysteries." He left his room, but he didn't bother to put his equipment away. It wasn't five minutes before Zim popped up through Dib's open window, followed by Gir.

"Stay down, Gir!" Zim ordered. "Remember, we're only here to steal back that data disk that stinkbeast stole from ZIM!"

Gir spied the beaker, which was filled with a chartreuse substance. "Oooo, lookit that!"

"Don't TOUCH anything!" Zim whispered angrily. "The Dib-human is still here. We have to do this QUICKLY and QUIETLY!" He examined some shelves for the missing disk.

Gir opened up his head and pulled out an Irken burrito. Zim caught a glimpse of it as the robot was about to take a bite. "GIR, NO!"

Gir ignored his master, but Zim ripped the burrito out of his metallic hands just in time. "That is for my LUNCH tomorrow!"

"But I'm hungry…" Gir whined.

"Not now, Gir! We've got WORK to do!"

Gir was silent for a moment, but his attention was redirected at the chartreuse concoction. "Looks like SODA!" He made a grab for it, and Zim tried to stop him.

"Don't TOUCH it, you foolish ROBOT!" He leaned in to smack Gir's hand away, but he accidentally dropped the burrito into the beaker.

The liquid in the beaker began to boil and bubble, then change colors rapidly – red, yellow, orange, blue, lime, magenta – until it became a swirling rainbow.

"NOW look what you've done!" Zim yelled, no longer caring who heard him. "You've created a STUPIDITY potion!" He heard Dib yell, "Zim, are you in my room?" and took off through the window with Gir.

"We'll have to come back later." He stormed off angrily.

Dib raced back to his bedroom. Immediately, his eyes fell on the psychedelic potion. "It wasn't like that when I left… Oh well, it'll do." He poured the mixture into three separate test tubes and corked each one. There were a few drops left in the beaker.

"Hmm, I wonder…" Dib took the beaker and placed the remains on a slide, which he then viewed under a microscope. "Interesting…" When viewed under 100 x magnifications, it looked like an acid trip. He moved the slide and the contents leaked out onto a nearby dried flower he had been observing a week earlier for signs of paranormal DNA. The flower suddenly began regaining its original color, healing holes and tears, and blooming back to its original fullness.

"Whoa," Dib exclaimed. "That flower just came back to life!"

End of part one


	2. Science Fair

By animeninjaNIPPON

Two weeks passed. Dib packed one rainbow-swirled test tube into a small briefcase before heading off to skool. Gaz had come down with an upset stomach and decided to stay home puking and playing video games, so Dib had to walk to skool alone…

As he walked down the sidewalk, he noticed a dead squirrel lying next to the curb. He studied the roadkill and then glanced at his briefcase. "If it works on plants… will it work on animals?"

He opened up his briefcase, took out the test tube, and gently uncorked it. "I can spare a drop." With that, he poured about half a milliliter of solution onto the carcass. The squirrel slowly twitched, opened its eyes, and scuttled across the sidewalk and up a tree.

"Holy mother of Mothra," Dib exclaimed, recorking the tube. "I've created a resurrecting serum!" He replaced the tube in the briefcase and started running to skool. "But I can't tell anyone! Not yet, anyway!"

When he finally arrived at skool, he noticed that Zim wasn't there. He looked around the room to see everyone else's projects. Most of them were just dioramas of the solar system made out of cardboard or potted plants, and Dib felt that he'd won – at least, out of everyone in the class. He set up his display and sat back, reading a paranormal research magazine. It took a long time for anyone to notice that he was even there, but as soon as one boy saw the rainbow-swirled tube, the whole class flocked to Dib's desk in awe.

"Oooo!"

"Pretty colors!"

"It's like a rainbow!"

All the kids in his class stared at the tube like mindless zombies as Dib sat and smiled smugly. At least, until Zim strode into the classroom.

"Fellow Earth students!" he called out. "I have a science project UNLIKE ANY OTHER!" He wheeled in a metal cart shrouded by a pink blanket. Everyone ditched Dib and gathered around Zim and his mystery project.

"I bet he has some alien war device under there!" Dib jumped out of his seat and ran over to Zim. "Stand back, everyone! It's a trap!"

"You LIE!" Zim fired back in defense. "This is my NORMAL Earth-boy science project!"

Ms. Bitters looked over at the mob. "All right, Zim, let's see it."

"BEHOLD!" Zim tore the blanket off his cart.

End of part two


	3. Zim's Project

By animeninjaNIPPON

"AAAAAAAH!" All the kids in class screamed in horror as Zim revealed the contents of the cart. One boy fainted.

"Zim… that's…" Dib started, eyes wide with shock.

"I know," Zim said. "GAZE upon it with your EYES!"

As they stared at it, some began coughing. Others broke out into a red rash. Some developed runny noses and red eyes. The boy who fainted had a very high fever. Eventually, all of their symptoms intertwined into the same affliction: the measles.

Only Ms. Bitters, Dib, and Zim were unaffected by the virus. Dib was immunized, Zim was merely immune, and Ms. Bitters was… well, one can only guess.

"Zim… what were you THINKING?" Dib cried. "How did you get the measles virus into that thing, anyway?"

"AHAHAHAHAHA! I am going to WIN the science fair!" Zim chuckled. "It is, after all, a SCIENCE project!"

"True Zim," Ms. Bitters noted, "a childhood disease is science-related, and your project is the most scientific in the class. However, viruses are not allowed in skool. I'm afraid you're disqualified."

"WHAT? DISQUALIFIED?" Zim fell to his knees. "NOOOOO!"

"Class is dismissed early," Ms. Bitters announced. "Somebody go get the nurse."

As Dib walked home, he pondered aloud how Zim could have possibly gotten the virus into such a form. "That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. But perhaps I've underestimated Zim…"

Meanwhile, said alien was walking back to his base, laughing all the way. "Stupid, STINKING humans! Now I am one step CLOSER to taking over this STUPID planet!" Just then, a squirrel stopped in front of him. "What do YOU want?" Zim demanded. In response, the squirrel scurried up his leg and perched atop his shoulder.

All of a sudden, Zim began to feel funny. Had the virus affected him, too? No, it was lethargy – lightheadedness… Zim picked up the squirrel and began to pet it. "Oh Earth creature, your fur is so soft," he cooed, rubbing the poor animal against his green face. It bit his gloved finger.

"OW! Stupid THING!" He dropped the squirrel, which ran away. He blinked and looked around. "OK, that was weird…"

End of part three


	4. Unfinished Business

By animeninjaNIPPON

Skool was cancelled for the next two weeks while the vast majority of the students recuperated. Dib took advantage of this impromptu vacation to investigate a canyon about three miles from his home for reported signs of the paranormal. Zim, on the other hand, still had to retrieve his data disk, and set out to do so.

"GIR! Let's go!" he called out to his SIR unit as he fixed his wig. Gir came flying into the room, undisguised.

"Put on your disguise, Gir! We're going out in BROAD DAYLIGHT, as the Earth-saying goes!"

"Yes, Master!" Gir left to put on his dog suit.

"And remember," Zim added, "Don't touch ANYTHING!"

Elsewhere, Dib was waiting in some bushes with a camera. "I heard rumors of a chupacabra living here. I have to see it for myself." He focused his camera as he waited, then refocused it again out of boredom. Not even a goat turned up.

"It'll come out at nightfall," he reassured himself. "And when it does, I'll be ready for it."

Back at Dib's house, Zim was trying to pry open Dib's bedroom window, to no avail. "Gir! Open this thing!"

"But what will Dib's scary sister say?" Gir asked.

"I am ZIM! I do not FEAR that FEMALE!"

"Oh really?" Gaz strode up behind the duo, holding a bag of garbage. Zim turned around and recoiled.

"I am looking for your stupid brother," Zim declared.

"He's not home."

"Tell me where he is!"

"What of it?"

"I have specific BUSINESS with the Dib."

"Fine." She told Zim where he could find her brother. "And stay out of my house."

That afternoon, Dib was still waiting in the bushes for the chupacabra. He yawned and stretched his legs. "I have to wait until it gets dark. But if I don't head home now, I won't get back until midnight." He continued to debate with himself as the sky turned a darker shade of orange. Finally, he decided to get out of the bushes and go home.

As soon as he stepped out, he was halted by a familiar voice. "Not so fast, DIB-WORM!"

End of part four


	5. Showdown!

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Zim," Dib yelled, "What do you want?"

"I WANT my stolen disk back!" Zim replied angrily.

"No way. I'm going to send that disk back to paranormal researchers to prove you're an alien! Then the world will see you for what you really are!"

Zim chuckled. "Do you have any idea what's on that disk?"

"Well…no," Dib admitted. "But I'll check it out tonight!"

"I won't let you!" Zim lunged at his enemy, who in turn whipped out his camera.

"Take one step closer," Dib warned, "and I'll – "

"Can't you see I'm NOT an alien?" Zim was still wearing his human costume; however, Gir had shed his dog suit. "AAAH! Gir, what are you doing?"

"WOO-HOOO! I'm free!" he exclaimed ecstatically, running around in little circles. Zim shook his head in disappointment.

"Bingo!" Dib prepared to take a picture of the exposed robot, but was sidetracked by a flash of light from the sky.

"Huh?" He stepped back, but soon realized it was only lightning. "You better run home, alien. It's going to rain."

"Nobody tells ZIM when it's time to go home!"

"But the rain will kill you," Dib protested, "and then I won't be able to prove you're an alien!"

"AHAHAHAHAAA!" Zim laughed. "Are you trying to use that stupid 'REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY' stuff on me, you stupid Earthstink?"

"What? Where did you learn about reverse psychology?"

"That's not important now!" Zim walked over to Dib menacingly. "What do YOU care whether I take over Earth or not, DIB-WORM? Everyone here HATES you! Why do you want to protect a planet that doesn't want you around?"

Dib took two steps backwards, right against the edge of the canyon. "I have a family, Zim."

"Do they care?" Zim glared at the boy in the black trench coat. "Face it! Nobody would miss you if you died!"

At that moment, it began to rain. Zim wasn't wearing any water repellent, and at that rate, he would be dead before he got to his base. He had to act fast. Without warning, he grabbed for Dib's trench coat.

"Zim! What are you doing?" Dib shouted as the green boy fought to take his coat. Dib struggled to throw Zim off, but in the end, Zim had claimed his prize. The slowly sizzling alien threw the coat over his head and hollered, "It's MINE now!" He stood and laughed.

Suddenly, lightning struck a nearby tree, causing Zim to flee, taking Gir with him. But Dib wasn't quick enough – he lost his footing and fell over the canyon cliff… to his death.

However, his head wasn't the only thing that had cracked open. During the struggle, the multi-colored tube Dib had a knack for carrying around had landed on the ground above and gotten crushed by the falling tree. The rainbow liquid leaked off the cliff, sprouting new flora where the water carried it. A few drops intermixed with the rain-diluted blood of the dead boy…

End of part five


	6. Guess Who's Back?

By animeninjaNIPPON

It was raining down even harder now that night had fallen. Zim ran through the darkness back to his base, carrying Gir. As soon as they got there, Zim burst through the door and tossed Dib's trench coat across the room. "That was close," he sighed. "We'll have to get that disk back tomorrow."

Gir skipped over to the couch and turned on the TV. "We have breaking news here, live at Channel 666," some reporter announced. "A boy named Dib has been found at the bottom of this nearby canyon. Cause of death appears to be a blow to the head. We found his camera at the top of the cliff, which is how we found out his name is Dib, but we have yet to go down there to investigate."

Zim slowly turned his head to the TV. "The Dib… is dead?"

Half a million thoughts raced through his mind at once. He had nothing to fear anymore…well, except for meat and that Chihuahua, but that didn't count. Nobody would try to stop him from completing his mission anymore. No one would try to hurt him anymore. No one would write slurs about him like "Zim is an alien" on the restroom stalls at skool… wait – skool! He had no one to compete against anymore. No more enemies… no one to blame his personal screw-ups on. Zim began to feel empty.

"We're going down to look at the body right now," the reporter continued excitedly. "Ah, here we are at the bottom of the cliff – OH NOOOO! IT'S GONE! GOOONE! ZOMBIE ATTAACK! GONE WITHOUT A – "

Gir changed the channel.

The next day, the two donned their disguises yet again and went out to get the data disk back. (It was, after all, a very important disk.)

"You wait here and distract the scary female," Zim instructed Gir, "and I'll get the disk."

"Yes sir!" Gir gave a salute.

Zim smashed the window open – Dib was dead, what would he care? – and went inside. "It's gotta be around here somewhere…" He glanced at the shelves, then went over to the desk where his late adversary kept a microscope and a flower in a vase of water. Something drew Zim to the flower. He picked it up, and immediately he felt lightheaded and giddy. He giggled like a schoolgirl as he twirled it between his fingers, then gave it a little lick with his long, purple tongue. He burst out laughing for no apparent reason and fell backwards onto Dib's bed, rolling around in a state of ecstasy.

Suddenly, Dib walked into the room, alive and unmarked. "Zim! What are you doing in here?"

"GAH!" Zim dropped the flower over the side of the bed. "Dib-human, you're alive!"

"Too bad I can't say the same for YOU!" With that, he raised a giant butcher's knife as he loomed over the semi-stoned alien.

"NOOOO!" Zim screamed, throwing his hands out to push Dib away.

End of part six


	7. Just Like Ecstacy

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib dropped the knife behind the bed in shock. Zim was rubbing Dib's chest, and laughing!

"Z-Zim?" He pushed Zim's hands away and tried to stand up, only to be pulled back in. "What the heck are you – are you high?"

"I don't know why I'm doing this," Zim confessed, caressing the confused boy he now held in his arms. "The same thing happened a few days ago with a squirrel I found."

At first Dib thought his enemy was just playing up his human libido to avoid being stabbed, but then he remembered the squirrel he resurrected a few days ago. When he entered the room, Zim was holding the flower that was brought back to life. And Dib himself had been revived only 12 hours ago… could that resurrecting serum have a side effect that worked like – Irken catnip?

"It's not my fault," Zim continued as Dib got up and backed away. "I've never felt this way around you before. This is YOUR doing!"

"MY doing? You killed me!"

"I didn't even KNOW you were dead until I heard in on the TV!"

Dib blinked. "I was on TV?"

"No, but they mentioned you falling off the edge." Zim glared at Dib suspiciously. "Wait a minute…If you WERE dead, how did you come back to life?"

Dib froze. He didn't dare tell his nemesis about the serum.

"ANSWER ME, HUMAN!"

Dib sighed. He had to kill Zim – glory or no glory. He had to get rid of the alien, and he had to do it at that very moment – Zim knew far too much, and he was more dangerous than ever. Dib scanned his room for something sharp or heavy, but there was nothing within his reach. Nothing that could destroy Zim…but wait! He DID have something – saliva! Saliva was made out of water, right? And if Zim got close enough to Dib, he would get grabby…

"I said, ANSWER ZIM!" The green boy backed Dib up against the closed door. Sure enough, the moment he got close, he got all giggly. "Heehee, you smell nice, Dib-worm!"

It was now or never. "Hey Zim," Dib said to the intoxicated alien pawing at his torso, "Close your eyes for a minute."

"Eeheeheehee…" Zim closed his eyes.

All of a sudden, Dib turned around and pinned Zim to the door, pressing his lips to Zim's like there was no tomorrow. His tongue found its way into his enemy's mouth as his body pressed up against that of the green boy, who was not dying but rather enjoying this newfound experience. Zim mimicked every move the human boy made – when Dib wrapped his arms around Zim and pulled him closer, Zim did the same to Dib, but he had to prop one foot against the door for balance.

What started out as an assassination strategy for Dib had evolved into one of the most exciting moments of his life. However, fearing he would choke from the lack of air, Dib gently broke the kiss and let go of Zim. Zim finally opened his eyes, only to slump back against the door in pure ecstasy.

End of part seven

* * *

Unlike most of my other ZADR fanfics, this one does not end at the seventh chapter. There is still plenty more to come, so don't worry!

animeninjaNIPPON


	8. Keep Your Enemies Close

By animeninjaNIPPON

Zim was on the floor, virtually breathless from the encounter. Now Dib had every opportunity to reach behind his bed, grab the butcher's knife, and finish Zim off, but he hesitated. He'd never seen Zim so happy – never knew anyone could be so happy, and it amazed him. Suddenly he realized that the effect wouldn't last forever, so he darted over to his bed and reached back for his knife.

"What… was that?" Zim said slowly as he stood up. "Some kind of defense tactic to render me senseless?"

Oops, too late.

"That's called 'kissing'," Dib replied, sitting up on his bed. "It's something we humans do when we… uh…" Great – what was he supposed to do now? Tell Zim it was a gesture of affection? Or admit that he just tried to kill Zim with his spit? Dib had never faced a catch-22 like this one before.

Fortunately, Zim didn't have time to listen to an explanation. "All right, Dib-monkey – give me back my data disk NOW!"

"No way, Zim. It's mine now."

"Do you honestly THINK anyone will believe that I'm an alien?"

"Well…" It was most likely that no one would believe Dib, but fortunately he was saved by the "Mysterious Mysteries" theme song and exempted from saying so. "Gotta go. Get out of my room."

"I'm not leaving without my DISK!"

Dib snatched Zim by the wrist as he went to open the door. "Then you're coming with me."

The two boys sat on the couch watching Dib's favorite show, and all the while Zim cuddled up to the unfortunate boy reborn with Irken pheromones. It wasn't all bad, though – Zim would make comments or ask questions throughout the show, and Dib would answer them to the best of his ability. Dib was actually enjoying having someone to talk to about the things he liked, and was rather disappointed when "Mysterious Mysteries" was over.

"I never knew there were so many bizarre creatures on this planet," Zim remarked, resting his green head on Dib's shoulder.

"Most people don't believe in them," Dib said sadly, "but I know they exist."

"Really? How do you – OH YES, you have yet to RETURN my data disk!" Zim stood up abruptly.

"I already told you – "

"OH NO!" Zim quickly remembered something else – Gir was still out there. "I gotta leave!" He bolted for the door and left, slamming the door behind him. Within a few minutes, someone was knocking on the door. Dib got up and opened it.

It was Zim again. "I'll be back TOMORROW!"

End of part eight


	9. And Your Friends Closer

By animeninjaNIPPON

The next day, Zim tried as hard as he could to carry out his evil plans of doom, but it was useless without his data disk. He spied Dib's trench coat lying limp in a corner. Maybe he could set up a barter…

Meanwhile, Dib had just gotten dressed (sans coat, of course) and was going into the kitchen to eat breakfast. He grabbed a box of cereal just as Gaz entered the room. "That stupid Zim is at the door," she informed him, then left as quickly as she came.

Dib sighed as he put down the cereal and entered the living room. Sure enough, Zim was waiting at the open door with his hands behind his back.

"What do you want, Zim?" Dib asked, as if he didn't already know.

"I'll trade you this – " Zim held up the trench coat " – for my data disk."

"No deal." Dib slammed the door in Zim's face. Zim knocked at the door, and Dib reopened it to meet with a laser gun.

"I TRIED to be nice. I TRIED to reason with you, but NOOO…"

"Zim, do you honestly think I'm afraid of that thing?" Knowing his enemy, Dib was sure that the gun was no real threat.

"You ASKED for it!" Zim pulled the trigger, squirting a harmless green slime all over Dib's face. Dib went into the kitchen to clean himself off, and Zim went in after him. Dib took off his glasses and began wiping them off with a towel.

"Why do you wear those things?" Zim pointed to Dib's glasses.

"So I can see," Dib replied flatly.

"Can't you see without them?"

"Vaguely." Dib wiped off his face and put his glasses back on. "Why do you care?"

"I DON'T!"

"I'm busy today, Zim. Go away." Dib retreated to his room. When he got there, he spread out across his bed and opened up his laptop computer. He checked his email, then pulled out Zim's ever-so-important data disk. He was just about to put it into his computer when he was tackled by Zim, who knocked the laptop and the disk off the side of the bed.

"AHAHAha…" Zim nuzzled Dib like a kitten against… catnip.

"ZIM! Cut that out!" Dib ordered, going pink.

"I…can't…HELP it!" He giggled maniacally. "What're you…DOING to me?"

Dib was annoyed, but becoming increasingly titillated. "You could control yourself if you really wanted to…"

"Says YOU, human!"

Dib sighed. "Fine. If you're going to do this, you'll have to come with me everywhere I go."

End of part nine


	10. That Which Needs Fixing

By animeninjaNIPPON

Just then, Gir walked into the room. "Master, I didn't do it!"

Dib looked up, blushing. "Doesn't anyone ask before coming into my room?"

Zim rolled off the bed, somewhat dizzy. "Whaaat…"

"I didn't blow up the microwave! It was the piggy!" Gir continued.

"W-WHAAT!" Zim was suddenly knocked out of his trance. "What happened, Gir?"

"The fire is so pretty…"

"AAAAAAAH!" Zim jumped through Dib's still-broken window screaming. Gir gave a little wave to Dib before following his master.

His enemy was finally gone! Dib took advantage of this opportunity to see the contents of Zim's data disk. He popped the disk into his laptop, but before he could see anything, his computer completely froze, displaying a bunch of purple-and-black pixels.

"Foreign media! I should have known!"

Back at Zim's base, Zim and Gir (mostly Zim) managed to put out the fire before any serious damage was done. However, it would take all day to fix everything that had been destroyed.

By that afternoon, Zim repaired everything that needed it, but he had wasted many hours in doing so – hours he could have spent figuring out how to set his plans in motion (or at least getting the disk back). He jadedly sat on the couch next to Gir, who was channel surfing. Gir landed on one channel featuring a man and woman in a dimly lit room having a serious exchange of dialogue.

"Someone ought to – kiss you, Laura!" the man on TV said.

This caught Zim's attention. He leaned in close to the TV as the man leaned over to the woman's face as she closed her eyes. Then Gir changed the channel.

"GAAH!" Zim looked over at his happy-go-lucky SIR. "Gir, change it back! That might be a battle strategy I need to learn!"

"We now return to 'Mysterious Mysteries'," boomed a voice on TV.

Zim's attention was held again.

Meanwhile, Dib was watching the same thing at his house while trying to fix his frozen laptop during commercials. Gaz sat opposite him on the couch, playing her GS2.

"Stop doing that," she demanded. "I'm trying to concentrate."

Dib sighed. He was almost sure he'd had more fun watching TV with Zim.

End of part ten

* * *

I added an allusion to Tennessee Williams' "The Glass Menagerie" in there. Also, sorry if this chapter was boring. The story'll be in full swing by ch.12.

BTW, anon. reviews are now accepted. So review, all ye ZADR fans!

animeninjaNIPPON


	11. A Deal's A Deal

By animeninjaNIPPON

The following day, Dib got dressed (complete with trench coat, which Zim had accidentally left behind) and ate breakfast as usual. He wasn't very happy – the data disk had messed up his computer so badly that he needed to replace the hard drive, which wouldn't be cheap. He was actually considering giving the disk back to Zim – that stupid thing had caused Dib nothing but grief from the moment he stole it. But he still had no idea what was on the disk, and for all he knew it was the final puzzle piece Zim needed to conquer or destroy Earth.

Zim was growing more powerful every day, it seemed, or else he was good at pretending to. Dib couldn't take anymore chances. He had just decided to go out and track Zim down when he heard a knock at the door. He reluctantly opened it.

It was Zim, right on cue. "I want my data disk back." He was so tired of risking his life for the sake of the stupid disk that he was tempted to let Dib have it, but it was the principal of the thing – it belonged to Zim!

Dib could see that Zim would rather be doing anything else but fighting over the accursed disk, and Dib himself felt the same way. He sighed, knowing that to win any war one had to sacrifice a few battles. "Hey Zim, I have an idea."

"Oh REALLY?" Zim narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah. I'll give you the disk back – "

"YES! Victory for ZIM!" Zim marched forward into the house, but fell back against his enemy in a giggle-fit.

Dib pushed him back. "I'll give it back ON ONE CONDITION."

Zim sobered up. "Yeah?"

Dib swallowed hard. This was the only way he could safely monitor Zim and prevent him from carrying out any more evil plans. "You have to hang out with me until skool starts again."

"Hang out?" Zim repeated in confusion. "What is this 'hang out' you speak of?"

Dib shrugged. "You know, like… go where I go and stuff."

Zim came closer and resumed his "altered" state of mind. "Heehee… who's the REAL winner here?"

Dib looked down at the alien, who was beginning to feel Dib through his shirt. "So… is that a deal?"

"Yes, yes," Zim muttered, "deal!"

End of part eleven


	12. Now What?

By animeninjaNIPPON

After the deal was made, Dib went back to his room with Zim clinging lackadaisically to his waist. Dib put his arm around Zim's shoulders, for lack of space to rest it. When they got into the room, Zim kicked the door shut with his Irken boot.

"What are we going to do first?" Zim purred.

"Well, first – hey, stop that!" Dib grabbed both of Zim's wrists before his gloved hands had a chance to feel Dib up. "I'm not some blow-up doll, you know!" Zim went limp and fell backwards onto Dib's bed, laughing like a child.

"Anyway," Dib continued, "I WAS going to go online and find that new site that pinpoints the location of paranormal activity in our general area, but thanks to your stupid data disk, my computer doesn't work anymore."

"Well, that's what you GET for invoking the wrath of ZIM!" He grabbed Dib's computer and turned it on.

"Hey – what are you doing?"

"If I'm going to be STUCK here with YOU, I might as well do something WORTHWHILE!"

"Go ahead. You can't break it any more than you already did." Dib picked up a book called _The Encyclopedia of Paranormal Creatures, Vol. 1 _and began to read the first page. He had gotten about halfway through the H-section when Zim announced, "It LIVES!"

"What lives?" Dib turned his head in Zim's direction and dropped his encyclopedia in awe. "Did you… fix it?"

"YES! I have FIXED it!"

"Zim, thank you!" He dashed over to the bed and gave Zim a hug. "You've just saved me a lot of money!" It wasn't until Zim resumed his stoned giggling that Dib wondered what in the world had gotten into himself. Before he knew it, Dib was pinned to the bed, looking up at Zim.

"Zim, you're taking this too far!" Dib protested as he struggled to break free. Zim continued to snuggle against the blushing human. Then Dib remembered a tactic that could render any creature defenseless. Without further ado, he freed one hand and started tickling Zim's side. Zim laughed even harder and loosened his grip on Dib, only to tickle him back. Dib cracked up along with the highly amused alien, and they continued their endless tickle fight. In about five minutes, Dib was exhausted and sure he'd die laughing. Zim was nowhere near tired, and not inclined to stop. But there was one thing that would weaken him…

As soon as Dib could get his face close enough to Zim's, he forced his mouth upon that of the green boy. He felt Zim's body ease up under his own, and a foreign tongue extended into his own mouth. He began to feel relaxed… the whole world could stop spinning and freeze over, and Dib wouldn't notice or care at all…

Dib suddenly released Zim before he got too into it, trying to figure out exactly what was going on with his mind.

End of part twelve


	13. Weirdness

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Am I losing my mind?" Dib asked himself aloud. "Zim is my enemy; I can't enjoy being with him! Even if…"

"If what?" Zim inquired, looking up at Dib with a punch-drunk grin. "I'm still here…"

Suddenly realizing he was speaking his thoughts, Dib got up and walked across his room. "I'll be right back. I need a drink." He turned the doorknob and left his room for the kitchen. He got a cup and turned on the water faucet. As he got his drink, he thought about how easy it would be just to dump the water all over Zim and let him burn his way out of existence. He was tempted to do it, too, but the greater part of his soul didn't want to. After he finished his water, he threw the empty cup into the sink and plodded back to his room. Zim sat on the end of Dib's bed, lost in thought until he heard the door close as Dib reentered.

"I feel weird," Zim confessed. "Did you POISON me?"

"What? No, I didn't poison you!" Dib denied flatly before straightening up and asking, "How do you feel…'weird?'"

"Well, before I only felt weird when I was near you," Zim explained, "but now it won't go away at all."

"I dunno what to say," Dib replied, though he was starting to get an idea of what was going on. "Why don't you go home now, and I'll figure it out tonight."

"OK." Zim got up and went to the door, not knowing what else to do. "See you tomorrow, Dib-human."

When Zim left, Dib flopped onto his bed with a sigh. He knew all too well what Zim was feeling, for he was beginning to feel the same way. And if his observations were correct, then that meant that Zim really liked him – and that Dib felt the same way about Zim.

Dib didn't see how that was possible – they were sworn enemies, after all. Then again, that was the advantage that gave them insight to each other's hearts and minds… But still, they were different species – the human race and the Irken race… Well, when put that way, it was merely interracial, which made it OK… Gender? Was Zim really male? Did it really matter?

A thousand and one questions like those raced through Dib's mind and refused to be answered. But it didn't matter at that moment – "Mysterious Mysteries" would be on any minute…

End of part thirteen


	14. The Hobo

By animeninjaNIPPON

Just to warn you, the last few chapters get pretty violent. This _is_ a mature fic, but I just wanted to give the heads-up on what to expect.

* * *

It was a bright, beautiful day over a lawn filled with gnomes, despite previous weather reports anticipating rain. Deep within the base, Zim was pacing back and forth nervously for no reason he could name. Gir was mimicking his master's movements until the doorbell rang and he screamed and hid somewhere.

"It must be the Dib!" Zim rushed to put on his disguise, then hurried upstairs to get the door. When he opened it, it wasn't Dib, but a skinny, creepy-looking man with longish black hair and torn, filthy clothes.

"Are your parents home, little boy?" the creepy man asked.

"That's NONE of your business!" Zim snapped. "Why?"

"Because," the man said eerily, leaning in really close to Zim, "there's an eight-foot APE-MAN I want you to see. He's got red eyes, and HUGE yellow teeth!"

The creepy man was freaking Zim out, so he made up some excuse about his TV being on fire and slammed the door. "Oooo, that was weird."

Half an hour later, Zim went over to see Dib, half-skipping along the way. Before he could knock on the door, Gaz opened it.

"My brother's not here," she said. "He left with some weird guy a long time ago. NOW GO AWAY!"

"Who is this WEIRD guy you speak of? Where did he go?"

Gaz pointed down the street and Zim ran where she directed him.

Meanwhile, Dib was walking through the park with the creepy-looking man Zim met with earlier. "So, there really is an ape-man?"

"I've SEEN it with my own two eyes," the creepy man replied. "He's got black eyes, and HUGE green teeth!"

The black-haired boy and hobo-esque man walked casually through the park as ominous clouds formed overhead. The clouds reminded Dib of rain, and rain reminded him of Zim – at least, it reminded him that Zim couldn't tolerate water.

They walked all the way to the edge of the lake, which was strewn with garbage and debris. "OK, now where's the ape-man?" Dib asked, looking up with wide, curious amber eyes.

The creepy man cackled and shook, then turned and loomed over Dib. "I sent him to HEAVEN!" he chuckled evilly, ripping his shirt open and pulling out a knife from an inside pocket. "And I'm gonna save your soul, too, little big-headed boy!"

Dib screamed and fell back on his butt as the creepy, crazy hobo drove the knife deep into the soft sand, just inches away from Dib's leg. The hobo yanked it out and tried again as Dib ran screeching down the banks.

"DAD! GAZ! ZIM! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!"

End of part fourteen


	15. Fighting For Survival

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Stupid Dib-monkey," Zim muttered, stomping his way through the thick park vegetation. "We had a DEAL! He's OBVIOUSLY avoiding me so he won't have to give my DISK back…"

"HEEELP! I'M BEING CHASED BY A CRAZY HOBO WITH A KNIFE!"

Zim cocked his head to one side. "That sounds like the DIB-WORM!" He quickly ran in the direction of the persistent cries for help. "Hang on, DIB-WORM!"

"ZIM, is that you?" Dib called out from the distance.

"I can't let him think I want to help him…" Zim ran even faster towards Dib. "YOU STILL HAVE MY DISK!"

"DON'T START THAT AGAIN!" Dib narrowly avoided being stabbed in the head, but his shoulder was badly grazed. "Ouch!" He grasped his injured shoulder with his other hand and scrambled away with all his remaining strength. He looked back just as the hobo was hit in the head with a tin can.

"Hey STINKBEAST, over HERE!" Both Dib and the hobo looked up to see Zim standing boldly with his hands on his hips. The hobo growled incoherently and pursued Zim with his knife.

"ZIM, NO!" Dib cried, but the hobo was already gaining feet on the doomed green boy. Zim swore something in Irken as the deadly blade got closer and closer.

Without thinking, Dib tackled the hobo to the ground. That and a swift kick to the creepy man's groin bought Zim the precious seconds he needed to get away. Dib caught up to him, and they ran along the bank.

"What were you thinking?" Dib yelled.

"I should say THAT to YOU!" Zim fired back. "We had a DEAL – "

"FORGET the stupid disk for two seconds!" Dib grabbed Zim by the shoulders and shook him, not realizing in time that Zim was going to get loaded from the closeness…

"AHAhahaheeheehee…" Zim pressed his light body to Dib's.

"Zim, NO!" Dib tried to shake Zim off as he watched the hobo recover and charge straight for them with the knife in his outstretched hand. "Fight it!"

"I'm… TRYING!" Zim struggled against his own will power. "GET…AWAY!" He summoned every ounce of strength in his Irken body to send Dib flying into a pile of debris, safe from the hobo's wrath.

But it was too late for Zim.

End of part fifteen


	16. Running

By animeninjaNIPPON

The hobo had driven the oversized blade into Zim's PAK, electrocuting himself to his own bitter end, but it was clear that Zim didn't have long to live. Blood was dripping down his Invader outfit, his PAK was short-circuiting, and he was choking.

"Is THIS… the end… of ZIM?"

"Of course not!" Dib screamed, catching the dying alien as he fell. "If anyone's going to kill you, it'll be me!" He smiled as he held his breath to hold back the imminent tears.

"Tell Gir…I'm…not mad…about the…microwave," Zim gasped, no longer affected by Dib since his senses were shot. "And…Dib…I…I…" He coughed up blood.

"ZIM!"

"I…liked…KISSING YOU!" With that, he slumped forward into Dib's arms, lifeless.

"Don't die," the human boy breathed. "Please."

Suddenly, he thought of his resurrecting serum – the other two test tubes were locked safely away in his room. The potion worked on plants, animals, even humans – any chance that it would work on an alien? Well, chance or no chance, Dib had to try. He slipped out from underneath Zim's dead body and started to run home.

"I'll be right back," Dib promised.

Dib ran as fast as his legs would carry him, but he was extremely worn out from his battle with the hobo. Despite his body's burning desire to give out, something deep within his soul gave him the strength he needed to keep going.

As he made his way out of the park, he tripped on a tree root. Every part of his body now ached, but he had to press on. He didn't want to live without Zim.

When he finally reached his house, he decided the quickest way in would be to climb in through his window – which, fortunately for him, was still broken. He jumped and rolled off his bed and onto the floor. When he got up, his heart was pounding and his throat was burning. Dirt and tears blurred his vision, but he couldn't stop – not for one second. Dib took his briefcase and slipped both potion tubes and Zim's data disk inside, then took off as quickly as he came.

As he crossed the street, he felt something wet hit his face. It was starting to sprinkle rain. Even if Zim could be revived, if Dib didn't hurry, the corpse would be destroyed – carried out into the lake by the wash of falling water.

End of part sixteen


	17. A Miracle

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib made it through the park and onto the shore of the lake. The rain had ceased – for the moment, at least – but Zim's body was nowhere to be seen.

"Zim!" he called out, knowing it was useless.

He glanced to one side and saw a large swarm of gulls gathered around something in curiosity. Dib chased the gulls away, and sure enough, Zim was underneath.

Dib took out his briefcase and opened it up. His hands shook uncontrollably, but somehow he managed to take out a rainbow tube and uncork it. "Please work," he prayed as he placed a drop of solution onto his fallen foe.

If it didn't work, he didn't want to stick around to be disappointed. He got up and slowly walked away, taking his glasses off to wipe his eyes with his trench coat sleeve. He then stopped to wipe off his glasses on his shirt, and as he put them on he felt someone lightly kick him in the back of the leg.

"Dib!" cried a familiar voice.

Dib abruptly turned around. "ZIM!" He hugged the newly resurrected alien with intense passion, and Zim returned the favor.

"I'm alive," Zim realized, "but how?"

Dib explained the resurrecting serum (and its intoxicating side effect) to Zim, who just gazed in awe.

"Oh yeah," Dib added, "I have something for you." He ran over to his briefcase and presented Zim with his long-awaited data disk."

"You're giving it back?"

"We had a deal, remember?"

"Yes…" Zim studied the disk carefully. "This STUPID disk has caused NOTHING but trouble for ZIM!" He hurled the data disk into the lake with a curse.

"I'm glad that's over," Dib sighed. Suddenly, he noticed something: "Hey Zim, how come you're not acting all stoned around me anymore?"

"Hmm, maybe the effect of the resurrecting serum on me cancelled the effect it had on me when used on you," Zim mused, stroking his chin. "But that's OK – I still get that weird feeling every time I think of you. Especially when I think of you kissing me." He turned to Dib, who was blushing from that last comment. "By the way, you never explained to me what that kissing is supposed to do."

Dib took hold of Zim's hand. "I'll explain it on the way home."

Hand-in-hand, the two boys walked off the shore and disappeared into the greenness of the park. And the briefcase containing the resurrecting serum slipped into the lake, never to be seen or used again.

End of part seventeen

End of story

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Well, that concludes Irken Catnip. I hope you all enjoyed it. I definitely enjoyed writing it, and publishing it, and now that I'm on vacation from school, I don't know which story in my fanfiction reserve I'm going to publish next… ah well. Thanks for reading this!

animeninjaNIPPON


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